Therapy101 / Relationships
Safety and abuse
Fear and abuse raise different questions from disagreement, and joint counselling is not recommended where there is domestic abuse or coercive control.
Safety in joint work
Fear and abuse raise different questions from disagreement.
The US National Domestic Violence Hotline does not encourage joint counselling with an abusive partner. It explains that counselling cannot fix unequal power in an abusive relationship and that what is said in sessions may later be used against the person experiencing abuse.
In England, Somerset Council also advises that couples counselling in the context of domestic abuse is not recommended and could be dangerous. Its page points to specialist support in Somerset.
Why relationship disagreement and abuse are treated differently
Joint relationship therapy assumes that each person can speak honestly in the room without fear of intimidation, monitoring or retaliation afterwards. Where coercive control, physical violence or threats are present, speaking openly in front of a partner can increase risk outside the session. In England and Wales, NICE public health guideline PH50 sets out how health and social care services should enquire about domestic violence and abuse in private and refer people to specialist domestic abuse support.
A constructed example
Constructed for learning. Not a real case.
During a brief individual intake call before a first couple appointment, one partner mentions that their partner checks their phone daily and that they are afraid of how their partner will react if certain topics are raised. The practitioner explains privately that joint couple sessions would not be safe in these circumstances and provides contact details for a specialist domestic abuse service.
Scope of this page
This page gives no individual advice. The sources describe guidance from the US, from NICE in England and Wales, and from a local authority in England. Services and legal arrangements vary by location.
It does not offer crisis support.
Sources and inspection notes
National Domestic Violence Hotline (US), Should I go to couples therapy with my abusive partner?
Supports: US guidance only. States that the Hotline does not encourage anyone in an abusive relationship to seek counselling with their partner, that counselling cannot fix the unequal power structure of an abusive relationship, and that an abuser may use what is said in therapy against their partner. It does not describe UK or other national arrangements.
Somerset Council (England), Domestic abuse
Supports: Local authority guidance in Somerset, England: couples counselling in the context of domestic abuse is not recommended and could be dangerous; the page points to specialist local support.
NICE. Domestic violence and abuse: multi-agency working (PH50).
Supports: Public health guidance for England and Wales on identifying, responding to and referring people experiencing domestic violence and abuse in a private, safe setting.